The temperature neared zero while I was sitting on the stairs of a building in Berlin waiting for some friends, who are usually late.
A group of tall, macho German guys, white-skinned and blond-haired, were standing near me talking.
A dark-skinned woman passed by, they looked at her sarcastically, and one of them said, “I really will be terrified if she touches me.” Then they started laughing…
Minutes passed until someone noticed my presence, smiled at me with affection, then approached to greet me and tell me that I am beautiful as a conversation starter. I laughed and said, “But I am African!”
The rest of the young people joined us, and after they knew that I’m Egyptian, an interesting political dialogue began immediately about what Trump did in terms of inciting to storm Congress.
They expressed their happiness and admiration for what Trump did, and they called him a national hero. I told them, that what he did was against the law and undermines the democratic principles of respecting the election results.
One of them mocked what I said and democracy too, while another claimed that Biden’s victory was fraudulent, and another added that Angela Merkel’s victory itself was fraudulent!
I laughed and sarcastically said, “So, the elections in the Arab countries are the most honest.” They did not respond…
The conversation continued between us for a while, the weather was getting colder and my friends did not come, so someone suggested that we continue the conversation with a hot cup of coffee and some sandwiches at their headquarters.
I welcomed the proposal and talked to my friends to meet another day, as I found it a great opportunity to exchange dialogue with people who are thousands of miles away from my thinking and seeing. And I did not know yet that they are Nazis!
I entered their headquarters, which seemed to require urgent cleaning or perhaps destruction and rebuilding!
A group of sports machines was strewn everywhere, including part of a cut tree with nails fixed on both sides, which I knew they were carrying in their exercises. That tree they were playing with, I could not move it from its place even one centimeter!!
We sat, and one of them prepared coffee while someone approached me sweetly saying, “Isn’t it better for us to speak German than English?” I agreed with a smile.
For the sake of a true acquaintance between the two cultures, I suggested that we watch some Egyptian and German art on television.
They liked the idea, so we prepared the place …
I chose a concert for the song “Qaraat Al Finjan” by “Abdel Halim Hafez”, with a translation.
They were dazzled by the words, the melodies, the performance, and the audience, and I noticed that their eyes had come to life after they were just stained glass crystals.
One of them stood enthusiastically and claimed that it was hot, so he took off his shirt and walked in front of me half-naked!
Although I am a fan of the classic style of men, I cannot deny my admiration for his body, as each muscle is creatively drawn and has an independent personality. I was impressed by this muscular anatomy, then I found myself thinking of the school and the biology class… How wonderful it would be if they explained to students the muscular structure of a human being on this superb body instead of pictures!
I don’t know if my half-naked friend wanted to seduce or scare me, but… In any case, I thank him for this interesting performance!
While they were watching the song with pleasure, my feet hit something under the seat, I extended my hand and pulled it, it was a box inside it… a gun!!
My breath momentarily faded while my eyes were fixed on the big gun for a while…
One of them looked at me and said quietly, “Don’t be afraid, it is just an alarm gun.” Another added: “Can you imagine that the police stormed the place for this gun?! And forced us to give it to them!’’
Then he laughed sarcastically, “But they didn’t know we had another.”
I hardly swallowed my saliva and whispered to myself… “Why did the police storm the place as long as it is just an alarm gun!?”
I put the box under the seat and pushed it firmly to the rear.
They were reciting stories of police bothering them and the Germans in exchange for their sympathy with foreigners!
And by mentioning the police, my friends’ appetite was opened to mention all the crimes of Arabs in Germany, including rape and harassment of German women, and their voices were raised in anger at the trivial judgments that the court imposed on them, such as 8 years in prison!
I did not deny the crimes of Arab men, but I drew their attention to the fact that there are crimes by the Germans against Arabs as well, such as burning their homes and killing them… etc.
It did not seem that they saw it as crimes, but rather they saw it as a form of self-defense in front of the Arab occupiers as they described and each of them began to narrate his suffering because of the Arabs. Some of them said that they found it very difficult to find an apartment to live in because of the large number of Arabs and their endless multiplication, and another expressed difficulty finding a job due to the intense competition, so he took unemployment allowances from the government, which also pays the rent of his apartment. It is worth noting that they all did not complete their education, and only got a prep.
I did not want to escalate the intensity of the discussion, as their huge bodies forced me to control my nerves!
Finally, someone suggested we play “PlayStation” and the suggestion was welcomed by everyone.
I suggested that I watch them first so that I could understand the game and then participate, they agreed and started playing…
What a disgusting game full of violence and blood. They were so brutally killed in it that they even killed a woman wearing a bikini swimsuit and said, “Because she is a prostitute!”
I tried to distract myself from this violence, so I searched among the papers on a blank piece of paper to write them Arabic films with subtitles. Perhaps it shows them another aspect of our culture that they have not seen yet.
My hand touched a piece of paper that froze the blood in my veins and exploded into a dense fog that started spreading in my soul, while my eyes petrified in front of what I saw… it was drawn on the paper a Nazi swastika and next to it a heart, written inside it: “I love you”!
After I gathered myself and my breath, I asked them calmly, “Are you Nazis?”
They all looked at me in astonishment, so I showed them the paper.
A long period of silence passed until someone answered “No!”
I repeated my question decisively, “Are you Nazis?”
One of them jumped from his place angrily shouting, “What do you mean by Nazis? Why do some accuse us of Nazism? Because we love our country and do not want others to occupy it? If so, then yes, we are Nazis!”
I answered him calmly… “No one occupied your country, it was you who occupied the world and killed millions because of the paranoia that afflicted you.”
A silence prevailed that made my heart tremble…
I excused myself to leave, no one stopped me, but they decided to come with me to the bus stop to continue our discussion… I did not dare to object.
On our way to the station, I tried to avoid talking, but someone stopped me and said‚ “We are not evil, we are subjected to a harsh life! And without prior notice, each of them started telling me their story…
One of them narrated that he used to be a nice and polite child but was bullied by the Arabs and Turks at his school, they were stopping him to make fun of him, shouting “Who are you looking at?” He was answering, trembling, and his eyes on the ground, “No one.”
The narrator looked at me and shouted angrily, “Now, no one dares to ask me this question, I am strong now and I can smash the head of any of them!” Then he fell silent and turned his head to hide his defeated spirit.
Another said that his father had committed suicide when he was a child, so his mother married a non-German, and he continued… “That man was nice to me, but he is not my father and he does not have the right to sleep with my mother” Then he added, angrily “Women cannot be trusted!”
While another told me sadly about his five years in prison, and how his soul was gradually killed there despite the activities and sports in it and even respect for the prisoners. Then he got acquainted with a Pakistani prisoner who convinced him to convert to Islam, so he embraced him and felt very comfortable, but, after a year, he left the religion. Therefore… all his Muslim friends also left him, avoiding, despising, and harassing him.
And here, the young man’s eyes began to shine with something like tears…
I felt great pity for everyone, so I gave them my condolences and patted their huge heads and shoulders until they smiled and thanked me for my sympathy.
We reached the station… Someone asked for my phone number, but I refused.
Violently one asked me, “Do you still see us Nazis?”
I answered calmly, “Aren’t you?”
As if my sentence was a bare electric wire, it electrocuted them. so one of them was madly kicking an iron pole with his leg, while another tried to break the station cabin, from which people fled immediately. Another considered that the list of parking dates installed on a heavy iron pole was a huge enemy, so he punched it with all his might until blood began to spatter on it. He screamed agitated and started shaking it violently until he grabbed it from its place!!
I watched their brutal rampage as if I was watching an American violent movie.
I could not find a way but shout at them violently to stop their madness, and indeed they stopped, while their clothes had been stained by blood and their hands and feet were in a pitiful state!
I brought water bottles, napkins, and straps, then cleaned their wounds… They were completely surrendered to my little hand that surrounded them with care while their faces were on the ground like guilty children.
They sincerely apologized to me, and I did not accept their apology!
And before someone got angry at my refusal to accept their apology, I had a fit of anger, so that I started shouting at them, saying, “Who do you think yourselves to frighten people like this? You do not respect anyone and do not respect the law of your country, you do not deserve to live in this country! You have one of the best countries in the world, what have you done to it, you commit crimes and refuse to work then blame the Arabs!
You live the role of the victim and justify your hatred and malice towards others. You have paranoia and a disease of merit! You are empty-headed, hard-hearted, you are just criminals Nazis!‘‘
And before someone opened his mouth, I continued decisively ’‘If any of you uttered an insulting word to me, I would slap his face and I don’t care what happens! Then I said in an imperative tone “Now… go home, eat, bathe, and sleep!”
They looked at me angrily then left me, and crossed the road quickly. I kept following them until they disappeared in the darkness of the cold winter. They left me after they had exploded a volcano of conflicting thoughts and feelings inside me…
Feelings of compassion for these young men who had ended their lives before starting it.
Don’t they know that they have many forms in all countries? The Salafists in Egypt, the Taliban in Afghanistan… and a long list of prophets of hatred and selfishness in the world.
They left me after they threw mountains of sadness and pain in my heart, whereas I saw their tenderness, their humanity, and their tears. I saw them bare from the mask of hatred and extremism.
I might be foolish, but I consider them friends, and I hope to see them again. Perhaps the love that I hold for them could melt some of the hatred they have for me and others.
Rania Refaat